R&B singer and actress Mya explained that her choice to remain solo has baffled some and prompted outsiders to question why.
“It’s not even my focus, and it never has been,” she explained to Melyssa Ford for the Hot and Bothered podcast. She added, “I’m very happy with myself, but that also required me to strip a lot of things that are expected of me on a specific timeline for the society that we grew up in to have. I’m talking about marriage, I’m talking about kids, and if you don’t have it, ‘something’s wrong with you,’ right?”
She is not alone. Success and happiness in adulthood look different for everyone, including some of Hollywood’s top talent. While many A-listers have chosen to balance being a wife and mother with red carpet premieres and blockbuster films, others have opted for a different route.
Whether it be choosing to remain single, deciding not to have children, or both, these women have signed up to be the family’s fabulous rich auntie.
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Mya
Image Credit: Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images Mya recently opened up about her decision not to marry or have children due to her career and other life goals. Still, the singer says that starting a family is not completely dismissed.
“I’ve always thought a little different. The white wedding dress, I was very fearful of those things, so I looked elsewhere and probably escaped too much in my work and ‘keep going.’ But also, I think being independent has forced me to show up for myself and obviously family, friends, and this operation because I have a mission and I have a vision, but it requires me to be gone, and that’s also very, very much fear-filled knowing that if I have to be gone 95% of the time, and my work calls of me to travel, it must be intimidating and I also cant show up properly for my significant other,” she explained.
“It will be granted to me in divine time, and I’m not worried about it because my life is full of love and it comes in so many different forms—not just one person, so I’ve had to recalibrate my brain,” she added.
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Tracee Ellis Ross
Image Credit: Arturo Holmes/Getty Imagess Tracee Ellis Ross is not yet married and does not have children; however, the actress explained what she wants to represent through her solo lifestyle.
“I want to be the poster child for being an inhabitant in your own skin,” shared the 52-year-old. “For living in your own skin.”
“Yes, I am a single Black woman who does not have children, but not having a relationship — long, long relationships — not having children has allowed me to explore things of my own humanity. It has deposited me here at 52 in an extraordinary experience that is filled with joy, loneliness, grief, exuberance, delight, like, literally all of it. And I feel available to it.”
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Ava DuVernay
Image Credit: Gilbert Flores/Variety via Getty Images Ava DuVernay has been vocal about her decision not to have children or be married.
“I am the oldest of five. I’ve have had a lot of small children in my life for a long time, so I never felt like I wanted to have kids,” she explained, per PEOPLE Magazine. “My family, my mom, would always say, for a little while before she realized I was serious, ‘You’ll change your mind.’ I don’t feel like I would be a good mother for a child. I don’t want to do that and I think in the most ideal scenario, you should want to do that. I just don’t want to.”
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Mary J. Blige
Image Credit: Christopher Polk/Variety via Getty Images While she has been married, Mary J. Blige has opened up about her decision not to have children.
“I have nieces and nephews forever, and I’m always watching how people are scrambling for babysitters,” she explained per PEOPLE Magazine. “I don’t want to go through that.”
“I like my freedom to go and move and do what I want to do. I don’t want to have to tend to someone all the time,” The R&B singer continued, “I don’t think it’s gonna happen.”
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Aisha Tyler
Image Credit: Leon Bennett/Getty Images In the past, Aisha Tyler shared her journey with infertility and her decision not to have children.
“I have been a professional woman my entire life,” she explained, according to ABC News. “I think this is a relatively new issue for women who have chosen work over family, which is a completely valid choice and no one should ever feel embarrassed or regretful about that.”
“It’s one that I’ve embraced fully,” she added. “I never wanted kids.”
The actress continued to detail, “When we found out it was going to be difficult to impossible [to conceive], it really was a choice to stop.”
“Once we decided not to get pregnant, I snapped back into work mode and now I have just been really enjoying my career,” she continued. “There’s a clock ticking on the pregnancy thing, but not a clock ticking on adoption.”
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Oprah Winfrey
Image Credit: Theo Wargo/Getty Images for Tony Awards Productions) Oprah Winfrey explained that she does not have the patience to raise children.
“I didn’t want babies,” shared the 71-year-old, according to Today. “I wouldn’t have been a good mom for babies. I don’t have the patience. I have the patience for puppies, but that’s a quick stage!”
The veteran media professional has also shared that at one point, she did want to be married and have kids.
“At one point in Chicago, I had bought an additional apartment because I was thinking, ‘Well, if we get married, I’m going to need room for children,’” she shared with PEOPLE Magazine.
She continued, “I used to think about this all the time, that I was working these 17-hour days, and so were my producers, and then I go home and I have my two dogs and I have Stedman, who’s letting me be who I need to be in the world. He’s never demanding anything from me like, ‘Where’s my breakfast? Where’s my dinner?’ Never any of that, which I believed would have changed had we married.”
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Octavia Spencer
Image Credit: Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images Octavia Spencer detailed being content with her decision not to have children.
“I should be married and have 19 kids,” reflected the actress, per The Hollywood Reporter. “And now I’m thinking my eggs are dying on the shelf. They’re going to go past their expiration date. But it’s what I chose, so I’m fine with that decision.”
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Sanaa Lathan
Image Credit: Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images for The American Heart Association In the past, Sanaa Lathan has shared that while she does date, she finds joy in being single.
“I always wanted—and I dream about having—a life partner, but I am completely happy, and I love my freedom,” explained the actress in 2020, according to ESSENCE Magazine. “I do date, but I do not want anything less than something that’s amazing.”
The Nappily Ever After star added, “And if it’s not gonna be that, I’m just gonna keep being my free-spirit self. I was talking to a friend of mine who’s around my age, and there is a thing when people look at you, and they’re like, ‘So…’ as if you’re failing because you’re not married. I have so much love in my life. And maybe I will have a life partner. But I don’t know.”
