Help! I Went Camping With Friends and Things Took a Flirty Turn. What a Mess.

Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we’re diving into the Dear Prudence archives to share classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions to Prudie here.

Dear Prudence,

I’m a young woman and a female friend of mine invited me to go camping this past weekend with two guys. My friend has a crush on one of the guys, Dave, who flirted with me the entire time. I really liked him and flirted back. He asked for my number and I texted him the next day to tell him I enjoyed meeting him. He said he wanted to see me again. I was very excited to hear this, but by the time he responded I had talked with my friend who informed me that she would be hurt if we did go out and that she had been annoyed with our flirting. So I told Dave that I was only interested in friendship for now, which is not true. I couldn’t tell him that my friend has a crush on him. Clearly, if Dave was interested in my friend, he would have made a move a long time ago. I also feel like it’s a bit juvenile to give up an opportunity to date someone simply because my friend has a crush. Prudie, what do you think?

—She Saw Him First

Dear First,

Get back in touch with Dave and say that since your friendship has been going so swimmingly the past 48 hours, you’d like to take him up on his offer of a date. See how things progress—eventually you might explain to him the original awkwardness with your friend. You are correct, Dave is just not into her. If you and Dave start seeing each other, you do need to give your friend a heads up. But she doesn’t get to put someone on the injured reserve list just because she’s hurt that he’s not interested in her.

—Emily Yoffe

From: You Talkin’ to Me? (May 13, 2014).

Dear Prudence,

My mom doesn’t have two nickels to rub together, as she would say when we were kids. She was not around me and my three siblings after I was about 10 years old. She and my dad divorced, she moved away, and he got custody and remarried. She’s in her 80s, back in our neck of the woods, and we have a cordial relationship (although I never leave my kids alone with her since she didn’t learn any mothering skills while she was gone). All the siblings are successful financially, in varying degrees, with me in fourth place. I have the youngest kids, with college expenses looming. When mom dies, I’m fine with offering to pay one-fourth of the funeral costs, but no more. At least one sibling is not likely to contribute a dime to any funeral expenses. (I suspect cremation will be chosen, because it’s cheaper, despite not being the preferred method according to my religion.) How and when should I broach this subject with Mom and the siblings? If the recalcitrant sibling refuses to participate financially, should I agree to pay one-third or suggest that the much richer sibling to pick up the slack?

—When She’s Gone

Dear When,

You have no buried treasure with which to bury Mom, so I totally support your and your siblings’ taking the practical approach when your prodigal mother bites the dust. Unlike your own mother, you’re not planning to leave it to others to see that a vulnerable loved one’s needs are met. Dust is the way to go because cremation offers a vast savings over traditional burial. None of you are obligated to go broke providing her with a mahogany send-off. Under the best of circumstances adult children and their parents do have frank discussions about end-of-life issues. Your family doesn’t sound too experienced at frank discussions, however, so bringing up with Mom your desire for a bargain farewell is probably not a productive way to start. According to various websites, a bare-bones cremation can cost anywhere from around $500 to $1,000. Even split three ways, mom’s departure will not prevent you from sending your kids to college. Go ahead and do some research at local funeral homes in advance. When you talk to them make sure you firmly avoid mortician add-ons: no memorial service, no urn (you must have a large vase in a closet somewhere), etc. Then, when the time comes, you can tell your siblings you’ve already done the homework on the most economical way to say goodbye. If they want something more elaborate, tell them they’ll have to pick up the difference. And let me note that mothers who don’t hear from their children this Mother’s Day’s about life after they’re gone should be grateful.

—E. Y.

From: Mama, Didn’t Mean to Make You Cry. (May 8, 2014).

Dear Prudence,

For the past three months I have nannied for the “Smith” family. Mr. Smith has a 7-year-old son from his first marriage (Jack), and Mrs. Smith is pregnant and has two daughters from her first marriage. This weekend I arrived 15 minutes early for my shift. I found Jack strapped into Mrs. Smith’s Prius. The windows were rolled down, but the car was still very warm. Jack told me that he misbehaved on an earlier outing, and when they arrived home he was crying. Mrs. Smith left him in the car as punishment. I took Jack from the car and knocked on the door; when Mrs. Smith answered, she explained that Jack had been throwing a tantrum for over 30 minutes and that she left him in the car to let him calm down. They had only been home for 10 or 15 minutes by the time I arrived. I told her it made me uncomfortable that she left a child in a car on a hot day, even if the windows were rolled down. Mrs. Smith listened to me and later that night, after I went home, Mr. Smith called me to tell me his wife had made a mistake based on stress from Jack’s outburst and her pregnancy. To them, the matter is closed. I still feel something’s not right and that I’m letting Jack down by dropping this. I’ve known Mrs. Smith to be short-tempered with Jack, who is an admittedly high-strung child. Am I being paranoid? Should I keep nannying and chalk this up to a mistake?

—Child Left in a Car as Punishment

Dear Punishment,

Oh, how wonderful that these people are bringing another child into a volatile, out-of-control family situation. Leaving a 7-year-old strapped into a car unsupervised is the kind of thing that rightly gets people arrested. For now, I think you should call the 211 hotline (and 800-4ACHILD is another resource that can give guidance) and discuss what happened. This is not a government reporting number, but a referral line for to help people sort out whether to call government agencies. The Smiths sound like less than ideal parents, but obviously she copped to her husband about what she did, and he let you know she recognizes what she did was totally wrong and it won’t happen again. But it sounds as if Jack needs gentle, compassionate handling, which he’s not getting. You are obviously a force for good in Jack’s life. If you want to continue being the Smiths’ nanny, keep your eyes open and keep speaking up for him. And if you ever see a replay of anything like the left-in-the-car incident, do not hesitate to call 911.

—E. Y.

From: If You Have Something to Say to Me, Say It to My Dog. (Aug. 5, 2013).

Classic Prudie

My husband is a loving and engaged father who takes great care of our 2-year-old daughter. We have now had two Mother’s Days come and go without his acknowledging the day in any way. This past Mother’s Day we were in the car together and Mother’s Day was mentioned on the radio, so his ignoring the day seemed purposeful. My question now is how should I acknowledge Father’s Day? I realize a marriage based on tit for tat is not a healthy one, however I feel like a real schmuck honoring him when he could not be bothered.